I have recently encountered an experience where a very well intended, good hearted soul has sort to ‘fix’ me.
It has raised for me some significant questions.
Am I broken and in need of fixing?
Are you broken and in need of fixing?
Are we broken and in need of fixing?
I ponder why I was so triggered by the impulse to fix me, even when it was coming from a place of care and love. And I look at my life and how many times I too may have presumed someone required ‘fixing’. This need to fix another is rare in me these days.
I know that after my decades of working intimately with other humans I have come to deeply appreciate that fixing is not what it required. People are perfectly imperfect.
I love my red fiery anger, my passion, my sometimes inelegant ways…my blonde moments. I love knowing that I will not stay silent, even if my speaking up is not always with finesse. I can count on me to make a stand, get into the arena, do something. I love that I crave community, connection and belonging. That I feel vulnerable when I do not feel seen. That I fear rejection the most… That I am protective of my tribe, and generally the first to go to battle, literally and figuratively, when another is wronged. I love that I will not allow people to get away with shitty behaviour or service. That I will be tenacious when tenacity is required…a dog with a bone.
I love my small self, the part of me that can be confused, isolated, and easily injured. And the child who loves to dance, barefoot, carefree.
I love that I can count on me to move to action…to galvinize others to move to action. That many see this as control, or dominance, or power hungry…which I have no interest in. Let’s get the party started…are we done with talking now…it’s time to move….
I love that I have led a life of enormous commitment to service to others and the world, even when this has come at great cost. I no longer measure a person by their bank balance, status, or accumulation of stuff…rather by their willingness to show up and engage…bringing their fear, lack of skill, and fumbling ineptitude with them…lead by a deep desire to do something that matters while refusing to hide behind pretense or false gods.
So I have been pondering the question as to whether I, or you, or anyone…needs fixing.
If I have broken my leg, I need fixing…
But far better that my work is about creating spaces and places for people to be able to show up whole…in all of their perfect imperfections…spaces which invites the very best of everyone to be present. Not just the perfect bits. Where there may be moments of deep integration of rejected or denied aspects of our perfectly imperfect self… but not as the central focus…rather a direct result of being fully engaged in the arena…covered in the blood and sweat of our commitment to showing up fully….
The thing about being fully seen for who we are is we risk being seen for our imperfections.
And this, this very act of being seen for the whole of me…and not being judged…not being made wrong…not needing to be fixed…this is what I crave in my relationships.
I want, you want, we want…to be loved in our wholeness.. perfectly imperfect.
*PS…this does not deny my personal interest in constant self refinement, and increasing my self and other awareness.