If you have debt shame then you are not alone.
Take me into any cafe in any city in the Western world and if we asked the question, “Who has debt and who has shame about that?” I would guarantee that you would get at least a 70% response rate. And the people who do not have debt might have a sense of righteousness and superiority around their status which of course only increases the field of shame.
Part of the impulse behind writing this series is because I know the levels of pain in our world around debt. For shame to thrive it needs to be unspoken, kept in the shadows. We do not talk readily about debt.
To heal debt shame we first must recognise the endemic nature of it. Debt is what keeps the economic system we have going. Or, if we all paid off our debts then the system would collapse.
You are not alone. You are joined by millions/billions of people. Get that. Allow that to sink in to your marrow.
We are all keeping the same secret. And in so doing we are keeping the system alive.
Secondly, you need to educate yourself around money and the system of debt. Ignorance keeps us slaves. Education allows freedom.
A warning on education…go to source…of everything. Dive deep. It will take time. It is designed to bamboozle you. Do not allow bamboozlement to stop you. Read from a variety of sources. Check out my good friend David Martin’s weekly blog. David’s writing is not always easy to read, but if you commit yourself to reading it each week, the patterns he writes about will emerge. His worked has influenced much of what I write here. As has the work of Bucky Fuller. (Grunch of Giants in particular). I have always sort out teachers who speak from aligned truth, who go to source and think for themselves.
With education comes a restoration of your own sovereignty. This is key. Until you become sovereign again around your money and your debt you will remain the slave. Even if you do not have all the knowledge (gnosis) trust your felt sense. If you feel you are being exploited, trust that.
Get help if you need, from people who know how the system works. In my case I reached out to someone who is still an exploiter. I know his heart and I know he is a good person, and yet he knows the system so well because he plays the game. Who better to go to when negotiating with the banks and when my courage was failing me. For him it was like talking about sugar in your morning coffee. (For me it was like talking about my deepest darkest most vulnerable of all places.)
Talk to people….tell your story, in a completely neutral way (no victim)…not to keep it alive…but to have it become boring. Boring has no shame. When we can talk to anyone about something we have felt shame around then the shame is healed. Notice with whom you find this hard to speak about …these are the people you want to impress…so with them you still do not have sovereignty.
Remember this is a process. It takes time, and courage. And the result is your freedom. It’s worth it.
Negotiate your debts. Pay only what you can that does not keep you in troubled suffering. Recognise that it took two parties to create the debt. And that both of you are responsible. One for exploitation and you for being open to exploitation. It is NOT all your fault. (Unless of course you knew all of this and went in to debt wide awake.) Take responsibility for your part. But do not allow the other party to continue to heap shame and fear on you.
Understand the difference between debt as indenture and debt as owing in gratitude. Understand the difference between debt and credit. (the next post)
Keep breathing. Repeat. It gets easier.
Know that as you heal your relationship to debt you are healing the worlds relationship to debt, one person at a time.
Finally, do not create more indentured debt. If you really want to take on a mortgage, do so with your eyes open. And know the truth around what you are doing, and why this is important to you. (If it is because you have been told stories about why a mortgage is the right thing to do, then you are once again relinquishing your sovereignty to some other authority. Become your own authority. Go to source. Dispense with the illusions.)
To read a fantastic book about Debt, See David Graeber, Debt, the First 5000 years.