There has not been much written of late, from yours truly. That is not to say that there has not been much going on, or even too much going on to find time to write. There just hasn’t felt like there has been anything to say. I have been struggling between the dictum that says writers should write as a practice, even when they have nothing to write about, and the unwillingness to publish just for the sake of publishing, which is some form of pollution. I guess my confusion has been around publishing, because there is nothing to say that what I write must be published. Duh!!!
During this time I have been observing some deep narratives within myself. Startled to see them…. both their depth, and their ability to have stayed in shadow, below the radar of my consciousness, for so very long.
The whole question…what am I doing with my life??… has surfaced again…mostly because it feels like only a week ago I celebrated my 50th year, and now I am not that far from 51. As things get ever faster, I am feeling that sense of time and life slipping between my fingers. This then raised the whole…failed expectations piece….but in truth when I dig below the surface of this one, it is about stuff that I don’t have that carries the disappointment…what I have now, that I value more than anything in the world, is relationships that are simply extraordinary and the field effects of those relationships that are being made manifest.
I also have seen this whole game that I have had going on..where I get into a funk of confusion. The ‘I don’t know what to do to solve this problem” funk. And in truth, it is just a habitual behaviour, because if I am really honest with myself, I really do know what to do. Always have. Maybe just failed to hold still long enough to acknowledge it, and to have the courage to go with it. I wanted to hand the responsibility of the decision to someone else.
Then there is the…’I am all alone in this” Well that is also a bucket of BS. I have never been alone, there has always been people around me to support me, even if that support is holding a space for me to bump up against things in the night that are slimy and wake me up. Still, I cannot deny that the feelings of being alone are real enough, no matter their illusion.
I am also noticing patterns of scattered energy. In some things I am very committed, in others I notice I have random ideas and throw them against the wall to see if they stick. Take a breath Christine, sit in what is being born, and really honour the deepest impulse behind the creation, and also clearly choose to commit.
Where has this all lead…well, for a start, it is really important to go back to basics. The foundational stuff. The structures that hold my life together. For me this is always around a practice. My sport is a non-negotiable, hard wired now into my existence. Its the other bits and pieces that I need to strengthen my disciple around.
Practice what I teach. Really really practice it. I do, for the most part, but this needs to go up another notch. I have learned over a lifetime of attempts that we must keep our practice and commitments to no more than 3 points of focus. Anything else is simply a fantasy. And so we must clearly choose, and then definitely commit.
Yesterday I ran a workshop for one hundred sales and support staff from a lovely local company I have worked with for about 5 years. In this workshop I has people stand up and state their commitments publicly. That wasn’t the end of it though. The rest of the audience got to let the person making the commitment know if they believed them or not. Most of us know not only when we are lying to ourselves, but also when we are lying to others or being lied to. The person making the commitment got direct feedback. They also realised that in the wording of their commitment, they were using broad brush strokes statements that allowed lots of ‘wriggle out of the commitment’ room. Commitments need to be specific, detailed, clear.
These are the areas I have put a stake into the ground for the next 2 months. Till July end.
1. Practice precession. Focus 100% on living my primary impulse, which is to emancipate the human spirit, in three domains..
*by bringing light to truth
*by expanding world views
*by being a demonstration
Do this instead of being sidetracked by focusing on other things, like making money, or getting famous, or making a score, or hitting the jackpot.
Practice “Loving What is” exactly as it is. The good, the bad, the ugly, the..’I don’t want it to look this way, even though it does’…love it all.
Spend 10 minutes each morning and each night in quiet. Be it meditation, prayer, contemplation…that I bring the practice of stillness into my day. It can be more than 10 minutes, but 10 is the minimum standard. 7 days a week. Twice a day.
This is enough…actually these are really huge fulcrums for me. They might seem small, but they are giants.
My question to you is..what are you going to clearly choose to commit to today? What is it that you know requires your deepest and most aligned commitment? For indeed this is the keys to the kingdom you have been seeking for so very long.